Financial Issues in Marriage

Some years ago, I was privileged to oversee the unit of a government agency responsible for vetting sensitive organisations and companies before their incorporation. One of the firms that I handled was owned by a couple. After I had checked their documents and sent them to the general office for further action, the wife returned to my office alone and said, “Please permit me to skip the part of the form that requires me to mention my landed properties. I don’t want my husband to know about them”. I was flabbergasted to say the least. I knew her to be a Christian woman. In fact, she was introduced to me by another woman who is a minister in her church. The reason this did not seat well with me was because I had learned submission in the fellowship I was attending then; and the idea was that a man should be in control of the financial resources of the family.

Anyway, I have since realised that the Bible is not against a woman having financial independence. At least, that is the understanding I have from Proverbs 31, which gives us a portrait of the “Virtuous Woman”. Let’s hear what verses 10-25 say about her:

“A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls. She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple. Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come”.

The “Virtuous Woman” is indeed a picture of financial autonomy. If she is a model for a Christian woman, then we can safely say that any teaching which promotes the idea of a man taking absolute control of financial matters in the family is not Scriptural. Of course, we do not also accept a married woman keeping secrets from her husband. Obviously, the Virtuous Woman did not do that. The respect she showed her husband manifested in the way he was treated by other men at the city gate.

So, how should couples share financial responsibility? An article titled, Marriage and Money: What Does God Expect? by Chuck Bentley speaks to the issue succinctly. He observes that the Biblical concept of stewardship means that we are caretakers of what God has given us; since He owns everything. Personally, I do not expect unbelievers to accept Biblical principles on financial stewardship. Romans 8:7 says that the carnal, unregenerated mind is at enmity with God and cannot obey Him. This article is therefore written with believers in Yeshua in mind. That is with the expectation that they are willing to let go of their pride and let the word of God be a lamp to their feet and a light unto their path on financial matters (Psalm 119:105).

In order to know what God expects of couples in financial matters, we must first of all understand His heart concerning marriage itself. In Genesis 2:18, God said, “It is not good for a man to be alone, let us make for him a help suitable for him”. After Eve was created with a rib from Adam’s side, Adam said of his wife, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh”. Verse 24 of that chapter declares, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh”. Yeshua also spoke of this strong union in Mathew 19:5, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh”. He went on to caution against the destruction of the cord of marriage in Mark 10:9, declaring that “what God has joined together, let no man separate”.

 The cited Scriptures give us a clear understanding of the purpose of marriage- two people coming together to pursue a common goal. Both are not complete without the order. What the man lacks, his wife should supply and vice-versa. If a couple is expected to have one goal which is the good of the family unit, why should either of them conceal their financial dealings from the other? The woman who hides her landed properties from her husband is obviously pursuing a different dream from her husband.

I know some of us will justify such conduct because of the wickedness we see around us. Yes. There are stories of women that were killed by their husbands for their property. There are those who lost out to other women after they handed over their properties to their spouses. There will always be wicked people if Yeshua tarries. That should not stop us from obeying God and doing His will. 2 Corinthians 10:6 assures us that God will avenge all disobedience as soon as our obedience is complete.

 As I mentioned earlier, there is no place in the Bible that condemns a woman for being financially independent. The Virtuous Woman in Proverbs 31 was financially autonomous. That must have contributed to her success. What is important is that a couple should be accountable to each other. So many people talk about submission as if it is a one way street. Ephesians 5:21 advises couples to “submit to one another out of reference for Christ”. Of course, we know that stuff happens in some marriages that destroys trust, especially infidelity. There is also the influence of outsiders, particularly extended families. When couples allow outside influence to destabilize their marriages, they obviously contributed to it by ignoring God’s word first.

 When a man or woman allows the cord of marriage to be broken by an outsider, the person has come against God’s government. In God’s arithmetic of marriage, one plus one equals one. The marriage partners ought to know that whatever they own belong to God and that they are now joint custodian of these things. If people are counselled in this fashion before marriage, perhaps there would be less friction over ownership of properties in the family setting.

The most important glue in a marriage is not love. It is God. If both parties make God their confidant, there is no way discord will creep into their homes over the use of money or any other property. It is also critically important that both of them learn to pray together. The daily fellowship with God will not only oil their marriage but will reduce the tendency to seek outside counsel on issues of interest. When both pray and ask God for guidance on money or other matters, He will certainly give them an answer of peace.

 We are assuming that God was the foundation of their marriage to begin with. If either of the partners is an unbeliever, there  is no Scriptural basis to treat him or her with less loyalty or trust. The marriage is still valid before God and each must treat the other with the required respect and love. If there is an issue of infidelity, let them seek God’s intervention in bringing the guilty partner to repentance. Still, this does not justify either of the couples concealing vital financial information from the other. In a any situation involving breach of confidence or trust, the couples should work towards reconciliation; not treating the other person as an eternal enemy. God has called us to live in peace (1 Corinthians 7:15).

**** Marriage and Money: What Does God Expect?, Chuck Bentley (2015), https://www.focusonfamily.com.