The Old Testament has provided us with the rich history of personalities that encountered God in different ways. Sometimes, we laugh at their foibles as in the case of Jonah, or pass judgment on those who made serious mistakes like Esau, the eldest son of Isaac. In effect, we present ourselves as better people than they were. In reality, this is not the case. All humans have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23), hence we have no right to condemn anyone because only God is perfect. Today, we have an opportunity to learn from the experiences of Esau. Did God forsake him totally because he erred? The Bible records that descendants of Esau became Dukes (kings) in their own rights.
Shepherd Heart: Thank you for honouring our invitation Sir.
Esau: I am glad to be here. Thank you for having me.
Shepherd Heart: Your story makes an interesting read. You had everything going for you as the first son. Suddenly, your world turned upside down because of the sad encounter with Jacob’s lentil soup. With the benefit of hindsight, would you have traded your birth right for food if you knew that it would cost you your father’s blessings?
Esau: Whatever action I took that day was on the spur of the moment. I was hungry, tired and disoriented, having spent hours hunting games to meet my father’s demand. How was I to know that my brother was scheming to steal my birth right?
Shepherd Heart: What was the nature of your relationship with your brother?
Esau: We were not enemies. I wouldn’t have asked him to share his food with me if I had any inkling of his hostile thoughts towards me. We had our moments of madness just like any other sibling. Those did not translate to hatred. I loved my brother.
Shepherd Heart: From the Biblical account, your mother actually instigated Jacob to work against you. Why do you think she did that?
Esau: My mother was a deeply spiritual woman. She was the one who received prophesy that I would serve my brother Jacob. I supposed that she felt that it was her duty to ensure the fulfilment of prophesy.
Shepherd Heart: Did you know about this prophesy at the time you had the encounter with Jacob?
Esau: I knew nothing about it until my mother passed on. My father kept it to his chest for all those years. He told me about it shortly before he died.
Shepherd Heart: Would knowing about this prophesy have influenced your action in any way, especially your threat to kill your brother for stealing your birth right?
Esau: The truth is that I was too angry with Esau to care about why he stabbed me in the back. I would have attacked him if he had not escaped to Laban’s place.
Shepherd Heart: What was your relationship with your mother after Jacob’s departure?
Esau: I did not speak with her for weeks. I could not bring myself to call her ‘mum’ after she instigated Jacob to inflict that pain on me.
Shepherd Heart: Was your marriage to Judith the daughter of Berri the Hittite part of your revenge against your parents?
Esau: I did not deliberately set out to offend them at all. I’m sure that the Bible does not impute that I did it against their will.
Shepherd Heart: Is it possible that you knew that they were not ecstatic about your choice of a wife?
Esau: There is a difference between being averse to something and having hatred for it. I knew that my parents were not overtly fond of the people of the land. They interacted with them of course. The point of departure was that the Hittites had their many gods, while my parents worshipped only the LORD. When I met Judith, I felt that I could introduce her to my God and eventually help her to abandon her idols. I was not going to abandon my parents’ religion for her.
Shepherd Heart: Did you have an opportunity to explain the situation to your folks?
Esau: (Laughs). They were very inflexible on the matter. In fact, the first day I took Judith to their tent, they could not even say one kind word to her. Their disposition infuriated me. It was then I decided to go ahead with the marriage despite their opposition.
Shepherd Heart: Was your second marriage to Ishmael’s daughter an olive branch to your parents?
Esau: Yeah. I needed to break the ice. No matter what they did, they were still my parents. My mother and I did patch things up before she died.
Shepherd Heart: I am sure that you nursed grudges against Jacob for quite a while. Any other person would have done the same thing, considering the importance attached to inheritance. While Jacob was on exile, did you ever nurture any thought of reconciling with him? Did you miss him?
Esau: I know that some people all through generations have tried to portray me as a cad. I was not a black sheep in the family. I made a mistake with the birth right thing but I was not a cad. As I said earlier, I loved my family, Jacob inclusive. I would not have stabbed him in the back if the tables were turned. I forgave him after a while and would have loved to reconcile with him if the opportunity presented itself.
Shepherd Heart: How far was Laban’s place from your community?
Esau: Two or three days journey on foot. The principal mode of transportation then was the camel and not everyone relished travelling long distances with that ride. It was not the distance that was the issue. We needed to give each other time to process what had happened and to heal sufficiently.
Shepherd Heart: Now, we come to the most exciting part of your relationship with Jacob. You are in your tent and a messenger arrives with news that your brother wants to pass through your territory on his way back to Bethel. What was your immediate reaction?
Esau: I was beside myself with joy and excitement. I remembered the good old days we played together. Of course, I didn’t forget that he stole my blessings. This paled into insignificance compared to my affections for him. I was more than eager to see him. You must also remember that God had blessed me materially too. There was no reason to be envious of my brother at this point.
Shepherd Heart: The Bible is silent on the nature of your relationship with Jacob after he returned to Bethel. Did you interact with him after the reconciliation?
Esau: Of course I did. Both of us collaborated during the burial of our father. Burial ceremonies in the Middle East in those days lasted for days. The reconciliation lasted as long as we both lived.
Shepherd Heart: If you had an opportunity to counsel someone who had a similar experience with his or her sibling, what would you recommend?
Esau: Bitterness is a terrible emotion. It destroys the humanity in us and makes us worse than animals. Bitter people are merciless. My advice to anyone dealing with pains from betrayal is to take the matter to God. Tell Him exactly how you feel. Psalm 51 verse 6 states that God desires the truth in the inward parts. The moment we try to exact vengeance, we usurp God’s authority and make ourselves His enemy. He said in Deuteronomy 32:35, “vengeance is mine”.
Shepherd Heart: Unforgiveness is a silent killer. Even medical science tells us that most incurable cancers are caused by bitterness. In your own case, Jacob initiated the reconciliation. How should we respond if the person that has hurt us refuses to apologise or make amends?
Esau: I still go back to the Scripture where God said we should let Him be the judge. It might be painful if the culprit is unrepentant. In the final analysis, we cannot change anybody. Only God can do that. I believe it is wisdom to care more for your health than the disposition of the other person. If harbouring grudges would destroy your health, is it not better for you to be alive than to nurse the destructive bitterness?
Shepherd Heart: I agree with you. It is more profitable to let God vindicate us than to yield our hearts to the polluting influences of evil spirits that thrive on bitterness. Thank you very much Sir for sharing your thoughts with us.
Esau: It has been a rich and rewarding experience for me as well. Thanks for the opportunity to share my side of the story.