Is Divorce Scriptural?

    This is one of those controversial topic that any Christian writer should steer clear of. I confess that I have no experience in this area to speak with authority on it. But as Elihu the Buzite said in Job 32:8, “there is a spirit in man, and the breath of the Almighty gives them understanding”. I pray that God will use this article to heal dysfunctional homes and give marriages a boost according to His blessed will in Christ Jesus.

          The word ‘divorce’ first appeared in Deuteronomy 22:19 within the context of sexual immorality involving a virgin betrothed to another man. That Scripture says, “They shall fine him a hundred shekels of silver and give them to the young woman’s father, because this man has given an Israelite virgin a bad name. She shall continue to be his wife; he must not divorce her as long as he lives”.

           Divorce was also mentioned in Deuteronomy 24:1-4 in relation to a man’s dissatisfaction with the conduct of his wife, specifically ‘indecency’. Quoting the entire Scripture gives us a better perspective on the issue. It says, “If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, and if after she leaves his house she becomes the wife of another man, and her second husband dislikes her and writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, or if he dies, then her first husband, who divorced her, is not allowed to marry her again after she has been defiled. That would be detestable in the eyes of the LORD. Do not bring sin upon the land the LORD your God is giving you as an inheritance”.

          The fate of a divorced woman and her remarriage to her former husband was also addressed by the LORD Himself while He was upbraiding Israel for its adultery. This is reflected in Jeremiah 3:1, “If a man divorces his wife and she leaves him and marries another man, should he return to her again? Would not the land be completely defiled? But you have lived as a prostitute with many lovers- would you now return to Me?’ declares the LORD”.

           I find it interesting that the very first time Moses made reference to divorce in Deuteronomy, he linked it with ‘indecency’. What exactly is indecency? According to yourdictionary.com, indecency is a state or quality of being indecent; lack of modesty, taste or propriety. On its part, collinsdictionary.com explains that indecency is an illegal sexual act, lewdness, obscenity, impurity and immorality.

         Linking divorce with a word like ‘indecency’ which can be interpreted to suit the occasion must have played into the hands of Jewish men who did not have God’s perspective on marriage. So, if a married Jew sees a beautiful girl and wants to marry her, all he had to do was accuse his wife of ‘indecency’. No wonder Jesus Christ told the Jews in Mathew 19:8, “Moses permitted divorce only as a concession to your hard hearts, but it was not what God had originally intended”.

.        Jesus went ahead to reveal God’s eternal purpose for instituting marriage. In Mathew 19:4-6, the Lord said, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female’ and said, ‘for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no man put asunder”.

        God’s view on divorce is captured in Malachi 2:13-16, “This is the second thing you do: You cover the altar of the LORD with tears, with weeping and crying out, because He no longer regards the offering, nor receives it with goodwill from your hand. Yet you say, “Why?” It is because the LORD has been witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously. Yet she is your companion and your wife by covenant. For the LORD, the God of Israel, says that He hates divorce, for it covers one’s garment with violence, says the LORD of Hosts. Therefore take heed to your spirit that you do not deal treacherously”.

           Despite the clear stance of God on the issue, some people insist that Jesus Christ endorsed divorce base on His comment recorded in Mathew 5:31-32 that “Whoever divorces his wife, except on grounds of sexual immorality, makes her an adulteress, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery”. Let us even assume that divorce is permissible under such a ground, is this the reality of the situation among Christians?

          The website, momjunction.com identifies twenty-one common reasons for divorce in the world and in Christendom today. These are:

1. Extra-marital affairs.
2. Arguments over finances.
3. Physical and emotional abuse.
4. Lack of communication.
5. Not meeting expectations of each other.
6. Addictions.
7. Parenting styles.
8. Incompatibility.
9.  Love was not the foundation.
10. Insincerity and dishonesty.
11. Losing your identity.
12. Immersed in responsibilities.
13. Lack of physical intimacy.
14. A point of no return.
15. Long distance relationship.
16. Quest for control.
17. Connection with a former partner.
18. Children from previous marriage.
19. Interference of parents.
20. Jealousy and insecurity. And
21. Cultural backgrounds.  

          While researching for this article, I read many quotes on divorce both from the Christian and secular perspectives. It was painful to see that Christians and unbelievers align their thoughts on the issue. Should this be the case? Should Christians draw inspiration from the world in dealing with the important subject of marriage? The conclusion drawn by both sides is ‘your marriage has failed, move on and find happiness elsewhere”. What about our commitment to God? Is marriage principally to satisfy our quest for happiness? Malachi 2:15 says, “Didn’t the LORD make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are His. And what does He want? Godly children from your union. So guard your heart; remain loyal to the wife of your youth”.

           Why is divorce more rampant among Christians than unbelievers? The reason is simple. The organised church is now married to the world and has become even more secular. The influence of the Holy Spirit is minimal because Jesus has been side-lined in favour of many heresies and doctrines of devils. Under this kind of atmosphere, the so-called believers are their own lords and do not submit to the authority of God or His word.

           It is important to note that calling Jesus Lord comes with some obligations on our part. Are we here on earth to do our own will? Jesus said in John 14: 21, “He who has My commandments and keeps them is the one who loves Me. And he who loves Me will be loved by My Father. And I will love him and will reveal Myself to him”.

          It is the same Jesus we claim to be our Lord who said in John 8:29, “And the One who sent Me is with Me- He has not deserted Me. For I always do what pleases Him’. There is a Scripture some of us like to quote, especially when we engage in warfare with the devil. It is 1 John 4:17, “Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because as He is , even so are we in this world”. If we believe this Scripture, then we must also desire above all things to do the will of God at all times. Jesus lived and breathed the will of God. He said in John 4:34, “My food is to do the will of Him who sent Me and to accomplish His work”.

            What if your marriage is your ministry here on earth? If you bail out for whatever reason, have you done the will of God and accomplished His work? Have you forgotten that you are no longer your own because “you were bought with a price?” (1 Corinthians 6:2). If you believe that your body belongs to God, then your marriage should be an act of worship. If you see marriage from this perspective- not as a source of your happiness, you will not act like the people of the world by bailing out at the first sign of trouble. I pray that God would give you more revelation on this matter and cause you to rededicate yourself to His service even in the marriage institution.

To wrap up the discourse, allow me to share with you the following tips for a successful marriage:

1. Start each day with a kiss.
2. Pray together often.
3. Wear your wedding ring at all times.
4. Accept your differences.
5. Be polite and give your partners gifts that touch the heart.
6. Select a song and make it “our song”.
7. Give each other compliments often.
8. Be polite, gentle and kind.
9. Laugh together.
10. Listen and forgive.
11. Encourage each other and show respect.
12. Call during the day.
13. Hold hands.
14. Ask for each other’s opinion.
15. Ask, “What can I do to make you happier?”.
16. Be sensitive to each other’s needs.
17. Say “I love you” often.
18. Start and end the day with kisses and hugs.
19. Talk about your love for each other.
20. Wink at each other at occasions.
21. Admit when wrong and apologise immediately.
22. Respond quickly to each other’s requests.
23. Treat each other’s friends and relatives with courtesy.
24.  Be positive and kind to other people.
25. Pray for each other daily. And
26. Be transparent even if this will make you vulnerable.