Adventures of Flora and Fauna: Spicy Proof of Evolution by Pearl Adams. The book is a satire aimed at showing the ridiculousness of evolution theory.
Chapter 4- The Big Bang
First of all, the Big Bang wasn’t big. Second of all, there was no bang. Third, Big Bang Theory doesn’t tell you what banged, when it banged, how it banged. It just said it did bang. So the Big Bang theory in some sense is a total misnomer.
Michio Kaku7
Fortunately, my chat with Mr. Proton took place within the same Fukushima Daiichi facility. I was escorted to an area hosting the recently refurbished Reactor 4 which was damaged by the Tohoku earthquake on March 11, 2011. The somber-looking guards shut the door gently and left me in a semi-lit room whirling with strange sounds. I heard a voice and turned in its direction to face a tiny blurb inside a glass case.
Proton: I welcome you to my humble abode. Hope it wasn’t difficult for you to locate this place.
Belinda: Not at all Mr. Proton. I was escorted down here.
Proton: I have been briefed by Comrades Electron and Nuclei. They said you asked them difficult questions. It’s good to be inquisitive for the right cause. Do you believe that our input will change the perception people have about evolution?
Belinda: Wow! Mr. Proton, you are trying to steal my thunder. I should be asking the questions!
Proton: You’re right. The fact is that I don’t relish the idea of entertaining critics of evolution. In your heart of hearts, are you convinced that the universe was conceived and birthed by an entity you call God? How do you know there’s such a being?
Belinda: Hmm. I’m trying to decipher where these questions are leading to. I’ll try as much as possible to tell you how God has revealed Himself to me. As the Scriptures say, anyone who comes to God must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who search for Him with all their hearts. God reveals Himself. Personally, I don’t have any problem relating with God or knowing that He exists because He is more real to me than the physical things I see with my eyes.
Proton: I can feel your passion for what you believe in. I like people who are passionate about their beliefs. Now we can talk.
Belinda: Thanks for the kind words. Frankly my interest in doing these interviews go beyond proving who is right or wrong. I want to know why anyone would believe that something came from nothing. No cause, just an effect. Anyway, I think you have a lot to share about the disastrous outing Mr. Nuclei spoke about. Please tell me about that failed experiment.
Proton: It’s really a very painful experience. It’s more like reliving a nightmare.
Belinda: Sorry about that. Should I give you more time to gather your thoughts together? We could do the interview at a more opportune time.
Proton: No reason to reschedule it. I just want you to understand that talking about that phase of my evolutionary journey evokes painful memories. It’s true that I played a critical role in the process that led to what you humans call Big Bang. The experiment was not intended to end in a ‘bang’. We wanted to evolve into other forms of life on our terms. We had the materials for a successful transformation that would have produced a more orderly universe. That was our goal.
Belinda: How did you intend to achieve that?
Proton: We wanted to combine what is known as cosmic microwave with properties emitted by Lepton and Nucleotide families. We required sufficient quantity of deuterium, helium, tritium and neutron. These were produced by the Nucleotides, while the Leptons emitted muon, neutrino and positronium. Pardon me for using all these technical terms. There’s no other way of explaining the failed experiment without giving you these details.
Belinda: I’m sure my readers will be fascinated. I’m learning a lot just listening to you.
Proton: Well, the idea was to produce a binding energy by combining these elements. The resulting energy flux would have expanded to produce layers of galaxies.
Belinda: Would the galaxies have been different from those that emerged after the failed experiment?
Proton: Sure. The galaxies we had in mind would’ve been self-sustaining with their various life forms. They did not need stars, suns and the likes.
Belinda: If you had it all worked out, why did it fail?
Proton: That’s a valid question Belinda. If we were so smart, why did we bungle the experiment? Simple. We miscalculated the weights of the elements required for each layer of galaxy. Also, we didn’t realize that some Nucleotides were secreting heavy elements like uranium, thorium and plutonium. The cocktail of heavy and light elements produced an explosion that created galaxies but caused them to speed away from each other. That wasn’t our intention at all.
Belinda: So in terms of evolution, what stage were you at after the cosmic explosion?
Proton: The immediate outcome was the emergence of rocks in all the galaxies. I can arrange for you to interview one of them if that appeals to you.
Belinda: That will be fantastic.
Proton: I’m not sure there’s anything to add to what I’ve shared with you. But feel free to contact me for clarification on any matter within my purview.
Belinda: Thanks a million for your time. I’ll be waiting for a word on when I can meet any of the rocks.
Chapter 5- Rock and Roll
Everything dreams. The play of form, of being, is the dreaming of substance. Rocks have their dreams, and the earth changes…
Ursula K. Le Guin8
Before I started this journey, I had an idea of where to find the fauna and flora of nature. When I read through the list of the chosen entities, I immediately thought of the Amazon Basin and Andes mountains. I visited both places during college and was bowled by the diversity of the wildlife and other features. So, why was I literally junketing around the world to interview characters that I could easily locate in my backyard? Despite Lionel’s admonition to trust his judgment, I wasn’t convinced I needed to globe trot to locate the interviewees. No sooner did I conclude the chat with Proton than I got an email by my sponsor that I should move to Australia for the next assignment. So, here I was at Alice, aptly described as the heartland of Australia, to interview my host, Mr. Obsidian. We met at a place called Devil’s Marbles.
Obsidian: Hello Madam. Come over here. I presume you’re the lady sent by Comrade Proton.
Belinda: Certainly. If I may ask, how do you guys communicate? I mean, we humans have the advantage of communication technology. I’m surprised that you’re able to pass messages across continents without the benefits of communication technology.
Obsidian: You must know that science flows from nature. Not the other way round. There’s perfect unity in nature and our language that does not require scientific vehicles for its conveyance. It’s obviously something that’s beyond your capacity to assimilate so, don’t beat your head trying to decipher nature’s imponderables.
Belinda: Thanks for that insight. I must also say that I wasn’t expecting to see so much crystal in a rock! Where I come from, most rocks have solid surfaces devoid of crystals.
Obsidian: That’s a very good description of Comrades Argillite, Breccia, Greywacke and Dolomite. We are such a large family. Would you be comfortable here? There’s a shade close to the red sandstone over there.
Belinda: I’m perfectly okay here. Thank you. I’m sure you’re aware of my mission in your abode, Mr. Obsidian. Proponents of evolution assert that the Rock family was the major beneficiary of the cosmic explosion popularly known as Big Bang. My readers would love to know more about that cataclysmic event and what it means to be a rock in an evolving universe.
Obsidian: Before we start, you need to know that the perception of the Rock family about the cosmic explosion differs from that of Comrade Proton. I’m sure he told you how the Nucleotides and Leptons were at the verge of birthing layers of galaxies before their experiment went awry. Matured brains should not weep over spilled milk. It’s so unfortunate that my Comrades have refused to let go of the past. Now to your enquiry, what specifically interest you about the Rock family?
Belinda: Maybe we can start from what you did after the Big Bang. There you were; rocks of different shape and sizes. How did you communicate with each other? What were your immediate needs?
Obsidian: Just to be sure you appreciate the diversity in the Rock family, I must emphasize that we weren’t formed through the same process. Because the heat from the explosion was intense, some of us in the Ignis clan were created after the magma from deep inside the galaxies cooled. That’s why we have so many crystals. Another clan known as Sedi originated from particles of sand, pebbles and shells.
Belinda: Before the explosion, there was no life form, if we accept the claims of the evolutionists. So, where did the particles of sand, pebbles and shells come from?
Obsidian: I suppose that the explosion must’ve generated these particles. There’s no other explanation. Anyway, the third clan, Metamorp emerged from the union between the other two, though some Ignis and Sedis still maintain their individuality.
Belinda: Wow! I’ve learnt more about the Rock family from you than I did during an elective class in Geology at Berkeley University.
Obsidian: Yeah. I’m flattered. I would’ve loved to introduce you to some of my Comrades like Dacite, Diorite, Scoria and Nepheline, but they are unavailable. These are dazzling beauties with large crystals.
Belinda: More than yours?
Obsidian: Sure. I may have more crystals, but theirs are larger.
Belinda: So tell me, how does it feel to be a rock? What would you like to evolve into?
Obsidian: These are difficult questions I must say. Sometimes I feel fulfilled that I’m living the good life. I look at my crystals and feel proud of myself. At other times, I try to look beyond the horizon. I try to imagine myself without the shackles that bind me to the surface of the galaxy. I would love to fly if I had wings. I would love to soar into the sky and explore other galaxies.
Belinda: If you believe so much in evolution, what stops you from changing form and actualizing your vision?
Obsidian: Maybe it isn’t time for me to do that. Some members of the Sedi clan have already evolved into other life forms. You may learn more about evolution after talking to them. I guess we have to draw a curtain on this interesting chat if you must engage them as well.
Belinda: I’ve enjoyed the conversation with you tremendously. Thanks so much.