Adventures of Flora and Fauna: Spicy Proof of Evolution by Pearl Adams. The book is a satire aimed at showing the ridiculousness of Evolution Theory
Chapter 20- Spot The Difference
A leopard doesn’t change his spots just
because you bring him from the jungle and
try to housebreak him and turn him into a pet.
He may learn to sheathe his claws in order to beg a
few scraps off the dinner table and you may teach
him to be a beast of burden, but it doesn’t pay to
forget that he’ll always be what he
was born: a wild animal.
George Lincoln Rockwell23
The search for the two leopards took longer than we anticipated. After the engagement with the lion, Francisca and I returned to Hyatt Regency from where we called Lionel to brief him on the latest development. He sounded as he always did; unperturbed and confident of having the wherewithal to achieve all his goals. He advised us to stay put at the hotel pending positive information on the location of the animals. I wasn’t particularly keen about remaining in Gujarat, but I had no choice under the circumstance.
Later, I put a call across to my old flame, Aditya Rudra to meet us at the hotel. I had intended seeing him while we were in Kerala, which is about two hours drive to his station in neighboring Karnataka State, but I couldn’t make it due to time constraints. Though we had long moved on, I was looking forward to seeing him again. It was always fun sharing tidbits with old college mates. That was not to be in this case because Aditya turned down the offer to make the trip to Gujarat, citing his demanding work schedule.
Anyway, Francisca and I found some creative ways to keep ourselves busy during the four extra days we stayed in India. We visited the birthplace of Mahatma Gandhi at Ahmedabad, as well as some tribal villages where locals weave, dye and embroider textiles. A planned trip to the Shree Somnath Jyortirling Hindu Temple was cancelled after Lionel called and asked us to leave for Cameroon in Central Africa immediately. We promptly took the 4 o’clock flight from Ahmedabad to Calcutta from where we got a connecting flight to Yaoundé, Cameroon.
We were met at Yaoundé International Airport by a tall dark-skinned guy with a gleaming set of white teeth. He introduced himself as Jean Rodrique, Lionel’s representative in neighboring Portuguese speaking Gabon. During the ride to Hilton Yaoundé where we were expected to spend three nights, he told us that the two leopards were sighted at a wildlife park close to Bamenda in the north western part of Cameroon. The ride from the Airport to the hotel was hitch-free, except that I was uneasy about the many security check-points along the route. When I broached the subject, Jean explained that most countries in the region were contending with terrorism and armed banditry, fallouts from the instability in Libya.
The following day, we left for the wildlife park escorted by a four-man security escort team sent by the Cameroonian government. All the operatives wielded AK 47 rifles. As we prepared to take off, the team leader, Sgt Aboubakar Nyobe announced that he would ride in our car as part of the security arrangements. He eventually took the passenger seat with the driver from where he shared some interesting tidbits about his country. He said their President, Paul had been in power since November 6, 1982, making him one of the oldest men in office.
I found this piece of information very irritating and would’ve made a fitting remark but restrained myself after Jean whispered in my ears, “Don’t dabble in local politics. The guy is just baiting you”. I merely chuckled as the Policeman droned on and on about the developmental strides of his President. “Cameroonians must be the most docile people on earth”, I surmised. I couldn’t imagine anyone trying such a stunt in the States!
On arrival at the park, two of the armed operatives advised us to wait in the car until they’d ascertained the actual location of the leopards. They explained that the land hosting the facility was massive and we could get lost trying to find our hosts on our own. They returned 10 minutes later with an armed Forest Guard who volunteered to escort us to the area hosting the leopards. While we were wading through the dense forest towards our destination, I remembered an incident that occurred during my last college Sonority sponsored exploration in Haiti. A friend, Deborah had left the tour trail to ease herself without informing the local guide. We didn’t realize this until we were far into the forest. Of course, we couldn’t continue with the exercise until we found her 40 minutes later, scared out of her wits.
Seeing so many animals that I had only read about in their natural environment was a treat for me. It was obvious that everyone was thrilled by the experience, including the escort team. It took us about 35 minutes to locate our hosts, Therina and Panthaes of the Feliformia family. We were greeted with rasping yowls, which the Forest Guard said were sounds of joy. Then one of the leopards said, “Welcome to our humble abode. You have nothing to fear. My comrade and I are at your service. How may we help you?” I turned to the Forest Guard and asked him to explain our mission to our hosts. After the Guard spoke, the leopard laughed and said to me, “I’m sure you must’ve encountered our friend, Sinhaley. I’m Therina and this is my mate, Panthaes. Once again, you’re welcome. Let’s have the chat”.Belinda: Thanks for making us feel so at home here.
Therina: Yeah. Most humans judge us by the standards of comrades like Sinhaley. We don’t attack humans except our natural prey species such as snakes, antelopes, gazelles and cheetahs are scarce.
Belinda: (Laughter). That’s no consolation. You still prey on humans. Period.
Therina: (Laughter). Certainly not humans with AK 47 rifles! So, relax and enjoy the chat.
Belinda: Okay. Now we can talk. I want to know why you abandoned Sinhaley. He’s really bitter about it.
Therina: Our departure from Gujarat National Park was not pre-planned. Comrade Panthaes and I were captured by Poachers right within the facility while we were on a hunting expedition. Instead of killing us to harvest our body parts, they sold us to a trader from Nepal. We were in Nepal for five years before another change of ownership was made. Eventually, we found ourselves in the Central African Republic (CAR). One day, Panthaes and I were comparing notes on our experiences in India, particularly the camaraderie with other animals at the National Park, especially Sinhaley. The estrangement was too painful for us to bear. We started growling uncontrollably. It was then we decided we didn’t want to remain lions. We wished to transform into another life form.
Belinda: Let me get this straight. You actually desired a change? Does that not go against the grain of evolution?
Therina: Well, I don’t know the nature of the evolution process you’re conversant with. I’m trying to tell you what happened to us.
Belinda: Okay. I’m all ears.
Therina: One thing is sure. Our mutation from lion to leopard wasn’t instantaneous. When we noticed the leopard spots, our first reaction was to rub our bodies on the trunk of trees to remove them. Of course, we were unsuccessful. Then, some years later, our jaws enlarged, while our shoulder muscles became stronger. These gave us the unique ability to climb trees, which we couldn’t do as lions. The powerful shoulders also gave us the ability to leap and jump, as well as run faster than other animals in the cat family.
Belinda: Fascinating! So, if just the two of you evolved from lions into leopards, where did other leopards in this park spring from?
Therina: They are our offspring.
Belinda: Really! How?
Therina: Panthaes and I are of the opposite sex.
Belinda: Quite interesting. So, you are a husband and wife team.
Therina: (Laughter). If you want to put it that way, yes.
Belinda: How did nature separate your genders after you mutated from lions into leopards?
Therina: (Laughter). I can’t speak for Mother Nature!
Belinda: So, have both of you settled as leopards? Don’t you desire to attain another life form?
Therina: (Laughter). Like humans?
Belinda: Why not? If you can will yourself to change from lions into a leopard, can’t the same process take you higher?
Therina: I haven’t thought of it. In any case, I’m not tired of my present status.
Belinda: It’s your call! By the way, how did you acquire the ability to climb, run and swim so well?
Therina: Evolution is a package deal. I don’t struggle to be anything but a leopard. These abilities are in my genetic make-up.
Belinda: Well said. Has any of your leopard comrades mutated into something else?
Therina: (Head bowed). We lost 20 of our children to the process.
Belinda: What process?
Therina: They evolved into peacocks.
Belinda: Wow! This looks like a second generation evolution. How’s that possible?
Therina: (Laughter). Stranger things have happened in the animal kingdom Ma’am.
Belinda: Before we talk about their transformation, how did you get to Cameroon from Central African Republic?
Therina: (Pointing to his hind legs). These are more powerful than your vehicles Ma’am. We were not actually harassed at CAR. Panthaes and I just needed a change of scene.
Belinda: Okay. Back to your peacock broods. Do they still interact with you?
Therina: (Laughter). And get killed? We don’t entertain that kind of sentiments in the animal kingdom Ma’am. We live to eat and sleep. There’s no morality in our kingdom.
Belinda: Are they all here in this park?
Therina: I’m not sure of that. You may have to conduct your own investigation.
Belinda: One last thing. Did you try to contact Sinhaley after you were captured at Gujarat National Park?
Therina: We didn’t have the opportunity to do that. I’m sure he must be hoping mad because we were very close. The reason we embarked on the hunting expedition without him on that fateful day was because he was down with a fever. I’m sure bitterness did not allow him to mention that aspect of our shared experience to you. Panthaes and I couldn’t have left India by choice. That was our home.
Belinda: Well, I’m sure he’ll get over it with time. Thanks so much for the hospitality.
Therina: Panthaes and I wish you well.
Belinda: Thank you.
Chapter 21 – Dancing in the Rain
Some animals are cunning and evil-disposed
as the fox; others, as the dog, are fierce, friendly,
and fawning. Some are gentle and easily tamed
as the elephants; some are susceptible of shame
and watchful as the goose. Some are jealous and
fond of ornaments as the peacock.
Aristotle24
We were hoping that the peacock trail would end in Cameroon or any neighboring country, to save us the stress of making a long trip to another region within or outside the African continent. Alas, our prayers weren’t answered because Lionel sent a message through Jean that the trail led to Sri Lanka. I just shook my head and decided it wasn’t worth anything to make myself miserable over the matter. Francisca and I flew out of Yaoundé International Airport on an Ethiopian Airline flight bound for Calcutta, India and took a connecting flight to Bandaranaike International Airport, 30 kilometers south west of the Sri Lankan capital, Colombo.
As we moved from the Airport into the hinterland, my first impression about Sri Lanka was that of awe. The country exuded charm; from pristine beaches to well-kept gardens and ancients ruins. No wonder it is aptly described as the ‘Pearl of the Indian Ocean’! We lodged at Cinnamon Grand, Colombo; a unique edifice fit for royalty. We were received by a native who introduced himself as Ravindu Ishara. He informed us that three of the peacocks were kept at Yala National Park and that we could visit the facility the following day.
He left with a promise to pick us to the park by 8 o’clock. When I suggested an afternoon rendezvous, he explained that the best time to observe and interact with peacocks is in the morning. He added that this was the period males gather around females, shouting loudly and stretching out their lovely feathers to create a beautiful dance. I just shrugged my shoulders and assured him that we’ll try to sleep early to avoid missing our hosts.
We arrived at the park the next morning still fighting off jet lag. As we moved into the section housing large birds, Francisca squealed with delight. I turned to see what caught her fancy. It was a large peacock perched up at the top of a tree with its feathers stretched out like a hand fan. It was really a sight to behold. While we were feasting on this marvel of nature, an official approached us. He had a name tag that read Kalani Oshan.
After the banter, he took us to another part of the park housing more peacocks. One of them sauntered towards us and said, “I’m Aves of the Sianidae family. I understand you want to interview me. Welcome to my humble abode”. Kalani ruffled its feathers with his right hand and said, “The visitors are from the United States of America. They are here to document your evolution history”. Then he turned to me and said, “Ravindu and I will be waiting for you under the big tree over there. You may start the chat”.Belinda: We are indeed honored to interface with you Mr. Aves. Francisca is a colleague from the office and is here as an observer. Don’t let her pretty face distract you.
Aves: (Laughter). Is there anyone prettier than a peacock? Our family holds the original trademark on beauty.
Belinda: (Laughter). I can see why you’re described as the sum total of all pride.
Aves: Is it pride to state the obvious? If you describe yourself as a tall woman, does that translate to pride? You were merely stating a fact!
Belinda: (Laughter). Okay. You win. I give up!
Aves: That’s my girl. Now we can talk about evolution. What exactly do you want to know?
Belinda: Everything you can remember about how you got to your present status.
Aves: Alright. The journey started from Africa. I understand that you’d already obtained information from our folks in Cameroon.
Belinda: Yes. We were guests of Therina and Panthaes at the wildlife Park in that country last week.
Aves: I have fond memories of them. They were actually good parents but some of us needed to move on to higher grounds.
Belinda: So, what triggered your quest for transformation to another life form?
Aves: Beauty. There’s something about it that struck a chord in me even as a leopard.
Belinda: I agree with you there. There’s a saying that beauty in things exists in the mind which contemplates them.
Aves: Exactly. One of your fellow humans, Zoe Kravitz captures it succinctly for he says that “Beauty is when you can appreciate yourself. When you love yourself, that’s when you’re most beautiful”. This quote best describes the general approach to life by the Sianaidae family of peacocks. We believe we are beautiful because we’ve learned to appreciate and love ourselves first, before extending the affection to other beings.
Belinda: This is a great philosophy. I’m sure my readers will be thrilled to know this panacea to ugliness.
Aves: It’s all in the mind Ma’am. You’re what you think and profess.
Belinda: (Laughter). You’ll make a good prosperity preacher Mr. Aves.
Aves: Thanks for the compliments. I deal with facts.
Belinda: Okay. So, on a certain day, you had some wild ideas about beauty and the next day you evolved from a leopard into a peacock. Please walk us through the process.
Aves: I have to disappoint you on this score. It wasn’t a quick fix. There’s no instant evolution.
Belinda: When did you begin to notice that something radical was happening to your body?
Aves: The first thing I noticed was that I lost interest in joining other leopards in their hunting expedition.
Belinda: So, what did you feed on within that transition period?
Aves: Fruits, reptiles and insects.
Belinda: How long did you go through this phase?
Aves: Six years at the most, then I started to have the urge to sail into the air. Of course, I could jump as a leopard. But this was another form of movement. I actually wanted to fly.
Belinda: How did you know you could fly? Were there other animals with wings that you could model your desire after?
Aves: None whatsoever. Something in me just knew that flying was a possibility.
Belinda: Did you actualize your dream?
Aves: To an extent yes. But I can’t fly very far or very high in one go. My small wings and the feather in my tail hinder me from flying as high as I desired.
Belinda: Bravo! You had a vision and worked on your mind to actualize it.
Aves: I really don’t think I should be given credit for that process. I woke up on a certain day to find my leopard spots gone and in their place, this beautiful tail feathers.
Belinda: Hmm. A leopard wakes up from sleep with a peacock body. Fascinating stuff!
Aves: You don’t need to scoff at the process of evolution Ma’am. It’s something you have to accept by faith.
Belinda: Which is easier to believe, that a Supreme Being is the source of all things or that things just happened by chance? After my interface with Therina, I realized that I need to have more facts to be able to convince anyone that evolution makes sense. Then I entered the bathroom and noticed that every item in that space was produced by someone. If inanimate things have ‘fathers’ so to speak, how can we look at all of creation and say that everything just happened?
Aves: If you’ve already made up your mind about the evolutionary process, why bother with the interview?
Belinda: Creationists harp on faith. I can understand that because God is a Spirit and you can’t relate with Him except He reveals Himself. But when you, an evolutionist asked me to accept what you say by faith, that’s a hard sell. Give me the facts on how you were able to mutate from a large cat into a large bird and I will convince my readers to turn their backs on creationism.
Aves: I’m sorry. I don’t have more facts to share with you on that issue.
Belinda: Okay. Let’s explore other areas. I understand that you have the unique ability to produce infrasonic sounds with your vocal cords. How did this come about?
Aves: Haven’t you heard that necessity is the mother of invention? Initially, I had difficulty communicating with my children because my vocal cord was narrow. I found that shaking different part of my feathers created a low-frequency sound that only members of my family can detect. It comes in handy when I’m chasing a member of the opposite sex.
Belinda: That’s impressive. You not only birthed yourself but can change your features at will.
Aves: Nothing stops you humans from attaining higher life forms. It’s all in the mind.
Belinda: Perhaps we’re satisfied with our status. How did you convince other leopards to buy into your ideas?
Aves: Well, I shared my experience with them and they agreed to join me in my new family.
Belinda: It is a long way from Cameroon to Sri Lanka. How did you guys make it?
Aves: You must know that some humans trade in endangered species like us. We were traded in the shadow animal market controlled by Poachers.
Belinda: Great! So, where are your other Comrades?
Aves: I can account for eight of them. Two are with me in this park and 6 at a National Park in India.
Belinda: What happened to the rest?
Aves: I heard that two mutated into bears. I honestly don’t know the fate of the remaining 9 peacocks.
Belinda: Do you have an idea where I can locate the two bears?
Aves: Kalani should be able to assist you.
Belinda: Thanks so much for giving us your time.
Aves: My pleasure.
Chapter 22 – Bear Hug
Most animals show themselves sparingly.
The grizzly bear is six to eight hundred pounds
of smugness. It has no need to hide.
If it were a person, it would laugh
loudly in restaurants, boastfully wear the
wrong clothes for special occasions,
and probably play hockey.
Craig Childs25
On the way to the hotel, I casually asked Ravindu to help us make enquiries on the whereabouts of the two bears. I didn’t want to approach Kalani directly in case he turned down the request out rightly. I also called Lionel to bring him up to speed on the assignment. He agreed that I shouldn’t pester Kalani on the matter, with the assurance that he will use his contacts in government to get the required information.
True to his promise, Lionel called the next day to inform us that the animals were at the Bear Creek Wildlife Sanctuary, Ontario in Canada. That meant another inter-continental flight! Francisca and I immediately packed our stuff, while Ravindu arranged for a taxi to take us to Bandaranaike International Airport. We were lucky to catch a Singapore Airline flight to Montreal, Canada, with a three-hour stop-over at Changi Airport, Singapore.
Francisca and I arrived at Montreal-Trudeau International Airport the following day, after 22 hours and 50 minutes flight. We had to wait for two hours to get a Delta Airline flight to Thunder Bay International Airport, Ontario. A representative of Lionel for Canada, Liam Logan was on hand to receive us. He promptly took us to Hampton Inn and Suites, my mum’s favorite hotel in the city. She took us there in 2015 to celebrate dad’s 60th birthday. The long flight coupled with the stress of waiting for the local flight took their toll on us. We slept all through the day. We were still groggy with sleep when Liam came for us the next day. Poor man! He had to wait for more than two hours for us to freshen up and have our breakfast.
At the Wildlife Sanctuary, the Director, Raphael Edward gave us a red-carpet treatment. It was obvious that Lionel had friends in high places in Ontario. After the memorable reception, the Director took us straight to where our host, Arctodia of the Ursidae family of bears was having its lunch- beef soaked in honey. It made a huffing sound as we approached the lair. Raphael turned to us and whispered, ‘Your host is in a good mood. Bears growl or bark when they are agitated, angry or annoyed but the huffing sound signifies pleasure”.
Before we could give a fitting response, the bear jumped on the Director and wrestled him to the ground. From the way the man reacted, it was obvious that this was a friendly encounter. When he finally extricated himself, he said to the bear, “These beautiful Yankees are here to have a chat with you. Be a good boy and give them the required information”. The bear grinned and said, “Your wish is my command Sir. Bring on the questions ladies”.Belinda: We are delighted to be acquainted with you today Mr. Actodia. We bring you greetings from the United States of America.
Actodia: It’s a pleasure to be in the presence of such beautiful angels. What exactly do you want to know about me?
Belinda: My magazine, Glitz is running a series on evolution in support of an ongoing research by a naturalist, Michael Lionel, owner of Nixon Foundation. We’ve been following the trail of the entities that emerged before and after the Big Bang. You are next in the trail based on information obtained from our last interviewee; Aves of the Sianaidae family.
Actodia: Yep. We were comrades until I took a train that went in another direction from his. Could you be more specific with your questions? That will help me to organize my thoughts.
Belinda: Okay. First, we’re interested in how you transformed from a peacock into a bear. How did this occur?
Actodia: Very tough question I must say. The process of evolution is difficult to articulate in measurable form because it took thousands of years. I can clearly remember life as a peacock; the beauty parade and the like. I enjoyed it to the fullest. Forgive me. I’m having trouble putting the pieces together.
Belinda: Is it possible that Someone outside your mental outlook created you a bear from the beginning?
Actodia: I couldn’t have been created a bear and not know it. I know that my previous family evolved from leopards. The problem I’m having right now is that I can’t remember the exact time and place where the change from peacock occurred. Why is this so important to you anyway?
Belinda: The contention over evolution is on the ‘how’ not ‘what’. Evolutionists readily produce names of entities they claimed are products of evolution. My assignment is to unveil how these transformations actually happened. Let me create a scenario. Perhaps that will help you to remember how you attained your present status. You were a peacock. You admitted a while ago that you enjoyed your life as a peacock. You wake up one morning and found your beautiful feathers gone. You used to fly, though not for a long distance. Now you walk on your soles like humans. Did it never occur to you to question where these changes came from? You were not perturbed at all?
Actodia: Of course, I was disturbed about the entire process. Who wouldn’t be? I actually didn’t make a fuss about it because we don’t pry in the animal kingdom. You just accept your lot and move on.
Belinda: I love to probe more on your evolutionary journey. How did you acquire your special ability to see in color?
Actodia: If you hunt mostly at night like I do, you’ll probably develop the same kind of vision.
Belinda: So, it came naturally to you because of your feeding habit?
Actodia: It’s not just the environmental factors. Special abilities are genetically induced.
Belinda: So, which is evident in your own case?
Actodia: Just accept that they’re not mutually exclusive.
Belinda: Okay. How has life been as a bear?
Actodia: Fantastic, except when we have to fight for our lives. We are at the mercy of predators like wolves and lions. Our young ones are particularly vulnerable to attacks by these predators.
Belinda: How do you defend yourselves?
Actodia: We do what all animals do. We fight. When we are confronted by our adversaries, we make ourselves look bigger by fluffing up our fur and standing on our hind legs. Anytime we are angry we also growl and charge towards our opponents to discomfit them.
Belinda: The creationists believe that the fighting tactics you described were wired into your system by the Supreme Being that created you. What’s your take on this?
Actodia: That’s far from the truth. It’s something that we grew up with. We were not created by anyone.
Belinda: We’ll let that ride. I understand that four of you mutated from peacocks into bears. Are you in touch with the other three?
Actodia: Only comrade Chotae is still a bear.
Belinda: What is the fate of your other comrades?
Actodia: They transformed into pigs and were expelled from the family.
Belinda: Very interesting. Where can I locate them?
Actodia: Frankly I’ve no idea.
Belinda: Francisca and I appreciate your candor. Many thanks.
Actodia: I’m happy to be of help Ma’am.
Chapter 23 – Not Too Dirty to Swirl
I never met a pig I didn’t like. All pigs
are intelligent, emotional, and sensitive souls.
They all love company. They all crave contact
and comfort. Pigs have a delightful sense of mischief;
most of them seem to enjoy
a good joke and appreciate music. And that is
something you would certainly never
suspect from your relationship
with a pork chop.
Sy Montgomery26
It took Lionel five days to locate one of the bear-turned pigs. While awaiting his directive, Francisca and I used the opportunity to explore the rich cultural heritage of the Canadian people. We also visited her maternal uncle at Ottawa, about 9 hours, 39 minutes drive from Ontario. Lionel’s message reached us while we were still in Ottawa, so we immediately took a flight back to Ontario as we had left some of our stuff at the hotel. We were asked to prepare for a trip to Great Britain, where one of the pigs, Sunabi was reportedly under the custody of the Rare Breeds Survival Trust (RBST). The organization pursues a mandate dedicated to securing the future of rare and native breeds of farm livestock.
I was more than excited to visit Britain again, despite the prospect of another long flight. That beautiful country was like a second home to me. The major attraction was the annual Wimbledon Tennis tournament which traditionally takes place over two weeks in late June and early July. I hadn’t missed any of the championships since 2009. I also love the country’s stunning coastline, quaint villages and its rich fascinating history centered on the royal family. In college, my girlfriends teased me endlessly about my obsession with the Brits. One of them, Kimberly Carlton cheekily told me that I will end up marrying “one of those ugly and boring English lords”. I just blew her a kiss and said, “Then you’ll be the bridesmaid and get hooked to an equally uninspiring and ugly best man!”
Francisca and I visited Cotswold Wildlife Park and Gardens, Bradwell Grove, Oxfordshire operated by RBST, a day after we arrived from Canada. The facility spread across 160 acres was home to 260 animal species. It was different from all the parks we’d visited thus far. There were grottos for picnickers and a mock railway, interspersed with tree houses for children.
The Tour Guide, Ellis Dexter escorted us to the pig pens and excused himself to attend to other visitors. We didn’t have to make enquiries about our host for the pig approached us with a broad smile and drawled, “You must be the girls from Hamarica”. I returned the smile and said, “Sure. You must be Mr. Sunabi of Suidae family of pigs. My name is Belinda and my companion is Francisca. Can we begin the chat? Sunabi: (Laughter). As if I’ve got a choice. Go ahead and ask your questions Ma’am.
Belinda: (Laughter). Of course you do! Tell us what it’s like to be a pig.
Sunabi: (Laughter). You don’t really want to know, do you?
Belinda: I sure do Mr. Sunabi. I know you get bad press all the time because of the clumsiness of some of your comrades. Personally, I think that you’re greatly misunderstood and vilified without just cause.
Sunabi: Thank you for the kind words. Well, a pig’s life isn’t different from that of other animals. We toil day and night for humans only to be treated with disdain. They always focus on how untidy we are or our so-called nasty eating habit.
Belinda: How would you want to be treated by humans?
Sunabi: With dignity and decency. We are quite curious by nature you know. That’s why we are always digging away in the earth to satisfy our curiosity.
Belinda: Well, I used to think that the digging was hunger-induced.
Sunabi: Not in all cases. Of course we dig up the earth to look for roots, seeds and insects to eat. We also learn about the world by reaching out with our noses, sensing and smelling things before we see them. We love to have fun; we dance a lot.
Belinda: When I was eight years old, I tried to convince my mum to let me keep a pig at home but lost the argument when she forced me to watch a documentary on the lifestyle of your family members. Is it impossible for you guys to stay clean?
Sunabi: You obviously have not taken time to study how we live. We do not deliberately wallow in the mire. Because we aren’t able to sweat, we’re forced to wallow in the mud to cool down. I want you to know that we’re among some of the cleanest entities in the animal kingdom. For instance, we do not excrete near our living or eating areas. Where did humans get the idea that we are sloppy and dirty?
Belinda: Possibly because most humans form opinions based on what they see and not what they analyze. That brings me to another important question. How did you evolve into a pig from a bear?
Sunabi: I willed it into existence.
Belinda: You did what? How did you achieve such a feat?
Sunabi: I got tired of being a bear. The stress was unbearable. Most humans and other animals treat bears with suspicion. They misinterpret every move we make. When we resist their incursions into our living spaces, they call us names; predators, cruel and the like. One day, I took stock of my life and decided to change direction.
Belinda: But why a pig? Couldn’t you have willed yourself to change into something else?
Sunabi: I had thousand other options, but none satisfied my desire. Do you know that pigs are highly social and intelligent animals?
Belinda: I knew a little about that in my first grade. That was the motivation for wanting to adopt a pig as a pet. Back to the evolutionary process, how did you work out the transformation?
Sunabi: It’s was a manifestation of will power. You can be whatever you want to be if you want it badly enough.
Belinda: Are you saying that you could change into something else tomorrow just by exercising your will power?
Sunabi: The kind of transformation we’re talking about is irreversible.
Belinda: Why is it irreversible? You just declared that you can do anything if you harness your will power. Why would it be impossible for you to either return to your former status of a bear or evolve into another life form after mutating into a pig?
Sunabi: I haven’t seen reverse evolution in my life time. I’m not sure any entity can pull that off.
Belinda: That’s the crux of the criticisms you attract from creationists. Why is evolution one-directional? If all things in the universe happened by chance, why should the process not be multi-dimensional? Why does it have to stop at any point in time?
Sunabi: Evolution doesn’t stop at all. We are all evolving day by day?
Belinda: Evolving into what?
Sunabi: It was a mind control thing. I can’t explain it better than that. I’m sorry.
Belinda: (Laughter). Apology accepted. Did evolution also account for your great sense of smell?
Sunabi: Sure. I think that was intended to compensate for our poor eyesight.
Belinda: I had no idea you had problem with your eyesight. What other special abilities have you received from evolution?
Sunabi: Well, we of the pig family are among the smartest animals on earth!
Belinda: (Laughter). That’s called blowing your own trumpet!
Sunabi: (Laughter). You asked for it!
Belinda: So, where are the other bears that evolved into pigs with you?
Sunabi: We are intact, except comrades Gusae, Jellili, Fracae, Binae and Humdae who mutated into giraffes.
Belinda: Hmm. Another fascinating story! Are they here?
Sunabi: I understand that they were shipped to a Conservation Centre in Auckland, New Zealand.
Belinda: Wow! Another long flight!
Sunabi: Sorry about that.
Belinda: Nothing to be sorry about. Francisca and I are immensely grateful for the hospitality. Thanks a bunch.
Sunabi: I couldn’t have said no to such beautiful ladies. I’m honored by your presence.
Chapter 24 – What Has Height Got To Do With It?
Did you ever see a giraffe? It’s like something
from between the regions of truth and fiction.
Geraldine Jewsbury27
If you let hydrogen gas alone for 13 billion years
it will become giraffes, rose bushes and humans.
Brian Smimme28
“You’re visiting Auckland, New Zealand in early July? Are you out of your mind? That city is the worst place to be in winter”. I was tempted to giggle as my brother Tom droned on and on about my upcoming trip. He’d always been very protective of me though he was just a year older. I had arrived at Austin two days after the last interview and was looking forward to a blissful time with my folks. Honestly, I was amused that my brother was making such a fuss about my embarking on a trip to Auckland in winter; after all, Austin had its share of foul weather. The way I saw it, I should’ve been the one raising hell over the timing of the journey which coincided with semi-finals of the Wimbledon championships in London.
Though I wasn’t happy about the situation, I took consolation in the fact that I was privileged to be assigned the task of unveiling various facets of the evolutionary process. In spite of my conviction, I thanked my brother for his concerns and assured him that I would be properly kitted for the trip.
Francisca and I arrived at the picturesque city of Auckland in the early hours of the morning, after a 21 hours 40 minutes flight from John F. Kennedy International Airport, New York. Two officials of Nixon Foundation were at Interwaste International Airport to assist us with the formalities. Thereafter, they took us to Cordis Hotel. The long flight took its toll on us as we crashed out immediately we had lunch.
I awoke to the sound of a gentle tap on the door; it was a Waitress with the meal Francisca ordered for both of us. She came in behind the service girl dressed for the day’s activity. When I checked the time on my cell phone, I was surprised to discover that it was already noon. We were expected at the Conservation Park by one o’clock. I jumped out of bed into the convenience and had my bath in less than five minutes. We barely finished the breakfast when the lady at the Front Desk of the hotel called to inform us that two gentlemen were at the Lobby to see us. I made a mental note to ask them for their names as we didn’t spend much time together after our arrival at the hotel the previous day. When we joined them at the Lobby, they introduced themselves as Oscar Riley and Toby Nicau.
I enjoyed the trip to the Conservation Centre immensely because it gave me the opportunity to see more of Auckland. The city had an ambience that appealed to the artist in me. Its landscapes were second to none in their beauty and uniqueness. As we entered the Centre, it was clear that the city also had diverse and unique wildlife. The Administrator of the facility, Harvey Quinn gave us a brief on the types of animal species on charge to him. He then took us to the special grotto built for one of the giraffes on our radar, Artcyla.
We were about 20 meters to the grotto when the animal loped towards us. It was my first time of witnessing the loping walk said to be peculiar to giraffes. Our host moved both legs on one side of its body and then both legs on the other side. It stopped just shy of five meters from us and whispered, “Hi ladies and gentlemen, I welcome you to my palace. It’s a great day for the Girafdae family. I’m honored to host you. Welcome. Welcome.” Quinn thanked the animal on our behalf and charged it to cooperate with us. As he turned to take his leave, I took that as a cue to commence the interview.Belinda: We appreciate your hospitality Mr. Artcyla. We’ll be as brief as possible to enable you return to your lawful engagements.
Artcyla: (Laughter). You don’t know what your presence means to me. Most humans don’t find me interesting enough to relate with. Most tourists who throng this centre daily find their amusements at grottos hosting elephants, lions, peacocks and the likes.
Belinda: We find you more than interesting Mr. Artcyla. Don’t despise yourself. You are unique in every sense and should be proud of yourself.
Artcyla: Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. Now, what aspect of my life history is of interest to you?
Belinda: Before we get to that, we would appreciate clarification on the status of the five of you that mutated from pigs into giraffes. A member of the Suidae family of pigs, Sunabi gave us names of his five comrades who evolved into giraffes as Gusae, Jellili, Fracae, Binae and Humdae. We were told that you’re one of the five; that’s why we’re here today. Did you change your name after you became a giraffe?
Artcyla: Yes I did. I was Fracae in the other family.
Belinda: Good. So, why did you transform into a giraffe?
Artcyla: Have you interacted with pigs before you embarked on this adventure?
Belinda: Yes. I actually wanted to adopt one as a pet but my mum sabotaged my effort.
Artcyla: Would you want to change places with a pig if you had the choice?
Belinda: Hmm. I wouldn’t change places with any animal!
Artcyla: I’m trying to open your eyes to the horrors I went through as a pig. I detested the fact that other animals turned their nose at us. We were treated as outcast in the animal kingdom. The persecution hasn’t stopped.
Belinda: So, essentially you changed form to save yourself from further harassment by other animals?
Artcyla: Yes. It was that or suicide.
Belinda: You must’ve been pushed to the wall. Why didn’t you confront your opponents instead of running to hide under another body mass?
Artcyla: Our decision wasn’t motivated by cowardice. Other pigs have withstood the taunts, haven’t they? The five of us weren’t rebels otherwise we would’ve undermined the status quo. We felt that it was better for us to leave the family and start life afresh.
Belinda: Here comes the critical question. How did you guys mutate into giraffes?
Artcyla: First of all, we changed our diet. As pigs, we ate both plants and animals, particularly corn, soybean, insects and fish. When we started feeding on plants alone, our physical features changed. We developed towering legs and long necks; these enable us run as fast as 35 miles an hour over short distances and cruise comfortably at 10 miles an hour over long distances.
Belinda: So, in effect, you willed yourselves into existence?
Artcyla: Yes.
Belinda: How plausible is that?
Artcyla: Do you have a better explanation?
Belinda: Supposing I join the creationists to say that you couldn’t have given birth to yourself?
Artcyla: (Laughter). The choice is yours. You asked me to relate my experiences and I’ve done just that.
Belinda: Okay. Let’s move on to your life as a giraffe. What’s it like?
Artcyla: I couldn’t wish for more. I use my height to good advantage as it enables me to eat fresh leaves and buds in treetops that few other animals can reach. I’m treated with respect by most animals and sometimes humans and I get to see my adversaries from a long distance; which gives me an edge if I have to defend myself.
Belinda: Fascinating stuff. How did you acquire your great height?
Artcyla: Desire can birth anything. I wanted to tower above all other animals.
Belinda: It’s needless for me to contest this claim, so I’ll let it ride. Could you arrange for us to meet with your four comrades?
Artcyla: That’s beyond my purview since they are no longer in the family.
Belinda: That’s sad. What happened?
Artcyla: Apparently they got tired of being giraffes.
Belinda: Any information about their present status?
Artcyla: Whatever information I have is from the grapevine, so try and confirm it. I heard that they mutated into monkeys.
Belinda: Could you give us an idea about how we can locate them?
Artcyla: I need to contact some comrades in other Conservation Centers in the country. This doesn’t stop you from making your private enquiries about their whereabouts.
Belinda: Before we wind up the chat, how many years did it take you to evolve from a pig into your present state?
Artcyla: We in the animal kingdom do not measure time the same way humans do. I can only give you an estimate; you can go along with 300 years.
Belinda: I think we’ve gotten enough information to wrap up this phase of our assignment. We are most grateful.